gnarshire shape off

Posted by Esteban Pumpernickel July 09, 2010

Over the past few months, The Gnarshire has quietly gathered the greatest minds of the surfboard blog universe and pitted them against each other in a winner takes all shape off. Even though there were no restrictions on materials or type of surfcraft, everyone submitted the same polyester resined stubby displacement hull.

Here are the results.

All photos taken by skinny art guy with a plastic camera purchased from Urban Outfitters.


Our first submission came from 7 year old shaper/ songwriter/ photographer/ painter/ socialite Pauly Consworth. Unfortunately, we were unable to get an actual photograph of his submission. Pauly felt that his board was better expressed through mixed media collage. His friends all shaped the same board as Pauly and in the end, nobody could remember which board Pauly had shaped and which collage was of the board and which one was a depiction of their last trip to In N Out . Luckily, their girlfriends all shaped the same exact board as them and were photographed from 1603 different angles with 423 different lenses. This was the only photo that left the eyes dry from blood caused by the viewer tearing at them.

Up next is our 86 and 93 year old team from the Fanciest Garage In The World blog. Here they are in the famous garage going over the dims with a 17th century radial compass width finder from FoamEZ ($465.23 msrp). The board was shaped at the NASA satellite office in Thousand Oaks over the course of 14 weeks. Oddly enough, the guys felt that their experience was made for a classical oil painting. The two posed for 2 weeks so their famous painter friend, Manual Chinisky, could do the portrait. Well done lads.

Here are the goofy twins from I Surf All The Time blog out of Encinitas... or Newport... wait, Santa Cruz. They never actually shaped anything themselves. Instead, they went to Clam Surfshop and bought the 'Shape your own board kit', which includes a finished Dan Little 'Chicken Wrap' model board with sticky paper to print your own logos at home. After making a few calls to their bros in the industry, the boys stuck on their signature tail pad and submitted their entry. Way to go bros!

We were not shocked to find out that none of our contestants could surf very well... in fact, at all... so we teamed of with our friend from the Chick Surfer blog to be the test pilot. Here she is on the 'Girlfriend' board.

Here she is the 'Fanciest' board.

And on the 'Bro' board.

We were blessed to have Dirk Whitehead be the judge. Here are the results...

Well you heard it. Dirk said what we all knew deep down inside. Nobody wins and may god have mercy on our souls....


  1. Must have something to do with magnets.

  2. it's all fucked up backwards


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