Ronaldo's Shape Shack #1

Posted by Esteban Pumpernickel February 17, 2009

The Gnarshire is proud to announce a new weekly column by shaping legend Ronaldo Bottasooka! He will be unveiling new designs, reviewing the more familiar and going back to basics, for those new to the sport. Thanks Ronaldo!

Hello noobs, my name is Ronaldo and I shape surfboard better than the kook making your board for now. I say for now because you will now be riding my boards. I won't force you to (though I could, easily) ride them.... you will want to.... on your own violation.

Let me give a little background on to you why I am so confident in my shaping and surfing skills. I started to surf at the soft age of 16 (six years after losing my virginity, if you were wondering) in my native country, The Netherlands. I conquered many sick peaks there before claiming the national surfing title at the hardening age of 18. After that victory, I go on to shape my own boards and the boards of the rippers around my home break of Doooslefriekjvjkiverzg, or frievvkeschevjky, for nicking name. At this time, as well, I began to get fit and regulate the beaches. Then I got bored and moved to Gnarshire where I see too many Jesus likers making insufficient boards and nobody regulating the beaches. I move here and now I make the very best boards and regulate the shire, always.

For this, our first column, I will give you a movie show of me riding a sick wave while on holiday (paid for by a girl with two D breasts and g-string suit) in Barcelona. As I am confident that you will notice, I slowed the clip down quite a bit. I surf so fast (but have sex for much longer!) that it is almost un-disreputable to the unclothed eye. Keep this in mind - I am backside, as well!

P.Z. This is my super surf and sex pumping band playing the music for this clip. We are called Dripping Roses and can be reached at 05-11365-565-4541 (international) for gigs and Compact Discs. Also, we can fly to anywhere for shows, as Ruud, our bassist, has the super nice private jet.


  1. Esteban, I am so glad you have introduced the world to such a magnificent man. Pardon me while I wipe a tear of joy from my eye (left eye, for you dadaists) ... after all, Renaldo is one of my students. I started training him the year of the storms (el nino '84), when the sand bars swept into the gnarshire cove giving us some of the best rights (lefts for nigel) one could think of only during masturbation. It was there that Ronaldo realized his potential ... Oh, this is just breath taking.

  2. '84 was good year, you're right. That was also the year Ronaldo came up with his famous octa-plane hull. The same design that Merrick ended up butchering into the more commercially successful tri-plane hull. As always, Ronaldo was waaaay ahead of the curve.

  3. Ronaldo Says:
  4. [IMG][/IMG]

  5. Ronaldo Says:
  6. Damn, not letting me post pic...


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