Fuck it, let's do it:
http://santabarbara.craigslist.org/boa/1226058253.html
I don't know who you are Mr. Craigslist poster, but I know I like you. You have your first mate right here.
It's not that I am opposed to piracy, in fact I applaud most acts of piracy. Joining a privateer that fights evil pirates would be the perfect guilt-free alternative to being an evil pirate. Like Blade. He gets the cool things about vampirism without the guilt of being evil. Also, I bet there are some good waves in the area without all the douche bag charter boats....
This was one of my favorite movies as a kid. Looking back, it's surprising that I did not end up gay:
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